I posted about our situation with bio mom for SP, ST, and DM. Still not a peep from her. She appears not to be in jail, her FB acct shows activity, but we've not received an email or phone call from her.
The kids continue not to ask about any of them. Maybe I'm trying to hard to build a relationship where there is no desire (on the kids behalf) to have one. I don't want that door to be closed to them in the future though.
We did email her last week. Nothing long, and not saying nearly all the things we feel like saying to her. It was pretty much "Hey, how are you? Haven't heard from you since the email for ST's bday and didn't receive anything for DM's birthday, not that she noticed. How are the Sometimes Kids? Please contact us by *phone, email, PO box."
Again, not saying nearly all the things we wanted to say to her. I just feel like it is a waste of time at this point. I'd love to be able to serve her with legal paperwork stating that our open adoption contract is now considered void. Again, not to cut her off completely, but to make it all on our terms. Mostly just so she can see we are through playing her games!
**sigh**
The things that go on post adoption!
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
That first moment
In case you have forgotten...May is National
Foster Care Awareness Month. As Mother's Day has passed, I'm still
reminded of how blessed Papa Loco and I were blessed to become parents through fostering. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Definitely!
So many people say/think they couldn't do it. It would be too hard to send the kids back. Well it's true. It sucks! But it is not about us. It is about helping these kids..who through no fault of their own, find themselves living in a nightmare. To be ripped away from the only home/life they know, even if it is abusive, neglectful, or dangerous, and then suddenly being dropped in another home...with new rules, new people, new everything....fostering is about THEM!
Some families are able to work through the system and pull themselves back together. Some times they are not. We were able to adopt 5 of our 7 foster children. Not all foster families feel called to adopt. There are thousands of kids available for adoption right now. Most are not babies. Many are 5+. Several are teenagers. All deserve a family.
When children age out of foster care at age 18-21, they are on their own. There is no happy ever after for many of them. There are no happy family memories. No place to go home for the holidays. No mom or dad to call when things get rough. The world can be a cruel place even when you have family support, imagine how it can be when you are on your own.
Please watch the video. Consider adoption.
So many people say/think they couldn't do it. It would be too hard to send the kids back. Well it's true. It sucks! But it is not about us. It is about helping these kids..who through no fault of their own, find themselves living in a nightmare. To be ripped away from the only home/life they know, even if it is abusive, neglectful, or dangerous, and then suddenly being dropped in another home...with new rules, new people, new everything....fostering is about THEM!
Some families are able to work through the system and pull themselves back together. Some times they are not. We were able to adopt 5 of our 7 foster children. Not all foster families feel called to adopt. There are thousands of kids available for adoption right now. Most are not babies. Many are 5+. Several are teenagers. All deserve a family.
When children age out of foster care at age 18-21, they are on their own. There is no happy ever after for many of them. There are no happy family memories. No place to go home for the holidays. No mom or dad to call when things get rough. The world can be a cruel place even when you have family support, imagine how it can be when you are on your own.
Please watch the video. Consider adoption.
Interview with Rita Soronen of Dave Thomas Foundation For Adoption
 | ||||
| Rita Soronen, President and CEO of DTFA |
I had the great pleasure of interviewing Rita Soronen, the President and CEO of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.
1n 1992, Dave Thomas started the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and was a very active voice for adoption in Congress. The organization helps promote adoption awareness in the workplace as well. Wendy's Wonderful Kids works at promoting adoption and helping match kids with a family!
Here is my interview with Rita. I'm grateful for her time in answering my questions!
La Mama Loca Blog Questions
Rita L. Soronen, President & CEO
=====================================================================================
Thank you for
the opportunity to chat! I know we share
a passion for making sure that children in foster care waiting to be adopted
are quickly moved to the permanent family we promised to them and that they
deserve.
1. What
do you think is the biggest stumbling block for those considering adopting from
foster care?
There are so many
misperceptions that circle foster care adoption that we know many potential
adoptive parents self-select out of the process. For example, based on a national survey we
commissioned, we found that a majority of Americans believe that children are
in foster care because they are “juvenile delinquents.” Of course, nothing could be further from the
truth – they are in the system because they have been abused or neglected or
abandoned and need our every effort to find them homes.
Americans also mistakenly
believe that they cannot afford to adopt from foster care. Unlike international adoption or private
infant adoption, the cost to adopt from foster care is fairly low ($0-$2,500) and
subsidies follow most of the children adopted from foster care.
And a third key
misperception is that the biological parents may try to fight for the child and
have them returned to their home. Once a child is waiting to be adopted in the
foster care system, all legal routes for the biological family have been exhausted. Adoptive families may want to assure that an
older child, for example, stays in touch with extended family members, but that
will always be the decision of the adoptive family and based on what is safest
and best for the child.
We also know that the
complexities of the child welfare system can at first appear daunting. But the effort of learning the steps in the
process and jumping in are well worth the result of a family formed through
foster care adoption.
2. How
does the media portrayal of foster care as a whole (bio parents, children,
foster parents, case workers, etc.)
affect people's decision to adopt from foster care?
The media’s portrayal
of any social issue affects us all – both as a call to action, or in some
cases, unfortunately, inaction. Too
often, we seem to hear only stories about crises in foster care – system abuses,
maltreatment of children or fiscal failures.
But I do believe that through the work of the Dave Thomas Foundation for
Adoption and others, the general public is starting to hear and understand the
positive messages about the children, the system, and the families formed
through foster care adoption. Efforts like
A
Home for the Holidays, National
Adoption Day, Adoption-Friendly Workplace and Wendy’s Wonderful Kids, combined with our robust social and traditional media that highlights
families, has helped to both normalize the notion of foster care adoption and
raise positive awareness about the effort.
But, of course, we need much more.
It only takes one negative story to set us back.
3. How
does one accurately portray adoption (of any kind), showing challenges without
scaring off potential parents, but without sugar coating the positives so that
people are blinded to the trauma that can come with adoptions?
This is a great question and a very
important conversation. Children who
have been victimized, abused, neglected and/or abandoned have experienced not
only the trauma of family maltreatment or violence, but also the grief and loss
of separation from their birth families.
Additionally, while in care, many of our children too often experience
frequent moves. These circumstances can
interrupt normal growth stages, lead to trust or attachment issues, or
underscore clinical diagnoses of depression, post-traumatic stress disorder or
other needs.
Parents should assess their wishes and
abilities to understand, support and work with children who have been through
these experiences. As a nation, we must understand and commit to a family for
every child who is waiting to be adopted, and, equally important, the
appropriate resources to assist families for those children who need
post-adoption support. More than 98 percent of adoptions from foster care are
successful, permanent adoptions. And the negative consequences of children
turning 18 and aging out of care without families far exceed the resource
challenges of providing support to families.
4. What
are your thoughts of many states restricting larger families from adopting? We
have adopted 5 from foster care and are no longer considered eligible in our
state to adopt again until our current children are over 18+, even though we
feel we have plenty of love to give more children.
Every family, like
every child, is unique, and should be evaluated independently of all other
families. We would never tell a birth
family to stop having children after having five, if they wished to have
another. We trust them to know their own
circumstances and abilities to raise the children they choose to have. Although I understand an agency’s caution
wanting to assure that multiple children adopted from foster care have every
resource that they may require, including parental attention, I also believe
that each family can and should be assessed based on their unique talents,
circumstances and abilities to care for the children they wish to adopt.
5. What
positive changes have you seen in adoption awareness in your years with the
Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption?
There have been many
important changes! Over the past 12
years, we have worked to alert the nation to the needs of those children most
at risk of aging out of care – older youth, sibling groups, children in group
homes or institutions, and children with mental or physical challenges. And we have driven campaigns that dispel the
notion that some children are “unadoptable.” We celebrate and recognize that families are diverse, that children in
the system and the families stepping forward to adopt have unique needs, and
that as a nation, we must act.
When children in foster care are
permanently removed from their families of birth, we make what should be an
unbreakable promise to them: we will find a family. And we will do it in a way
that cherishes their childhood and their developmental needs so that they can
grow and thrive within the birthright of every child – a safe and secure family
of his or her own.
Images provided by WestGlen.com
***I was contacted about interviewing Rita Soronen, these are my questions, and her responses. I received no financial compensation for this interview.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Happy Mother's Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart,
But in it.
Unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I may not have given you the gift of life but in my heart I know
The love I feel is deep and real as if it had been so.
For us to have each other is like a dream come true.
No, I didn’t give you the gift of life ...
Life gave me the gift of you.
Unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, May 3, 2013
May Organize and Persevere
1) Teach La Loquita and Goofy Girl to read-- I
can say Loquita is doing really well. She's able to pick up a simple
reader and figure out new words. Goofy...still struggling. If she
knows the words, she's good. But as soon as she comes to a new word,
she freaks out. I'm not giving up hope!
(still the same as last month, although LL is picking up on even more and more words w/o help!)
2) Keep laundry under control (includes putting away clean clothes)-We've had quite a bit of rain lately, so I'm behind again. I don't know how many loads, but more than a few. Putting away part has been a disaster as well. Either we need more hangers or we need to get rid of clothes!
3) Keep school areas clean and organized--Still mostly well organized and orderly.
4) Follow the lesson plans and activities that go along with our new curriculum--We are finishing up week 12. We are in the middle of the plagues of Egypt. Still loving the curriculum! We also got our Math U See books and rolling right along with them!
5) Keep up with clutter piles--This has been a problem lately. They've been popping up again! Working with Mean Mama to declutter! For the month of May, throw away 7 items every day. She's already ahead of me! I'll post pics once a week of all my piles!
6) Lose weight--Always a work in progress, but has been much more successful lately! Goals and reality are lining up!
7) Start a real exercise regimen--Walking at the park 3 days a week, adding in the exercise machines that are there. Need to try some Wii Zumba before I attempt to join the class at the park!
8) Get pregnant--Did a fertility cleanse in Jan...but no baby yet. Menstrual cycle much more normal now!
9) Look into adoption--Not done anything at this time.
10) Plan for moving in the summer to a different house (although likely still here in PR) --We shall find out soon what the landlord's plans are. Papa is thinking they are going to want to sell. I think they want the rent money to pay the mortgage...at least I'm hopeful they are paying the mortgage! Once we know their plans, we'll know what direction to take. I've got mixed feelings on moving or not. (Still waiting to hear. They were here in April, so we thought we'd see them, but they didn't ever stop by, even though they were staying just down the street.)
11) Whatever else comes to mind! -- Menu planning...falling behind on this and it is making meals much more haphazard and sometimes less healthy. May is underway for healthier planned meals.
We are car shopping for Papa Loco. Something used, cheap, but functional. This is proving more stressful than I first imagined!
(still the same as last month, although LL is picking up on even more and more words w/o help!)
2) Keep laundry under control (includes putting away clean clothes)-We've had quite a bit of rain lately, so I'm behind again. I don't know how many loads, but more than a few. Putting away part has been a disaster as well. Either we need more hangers or we need to get rid of clothes!
3) Keep school areas clean and organized--Still mostly well organized and orderly.
4) Follow the lesson plans and activities that go along with our new curriculum--We are finishing up week 12. We are in the middle of the plagues of Egypt. Still loving the curriculum! We also got our Math U See books and rolling right along with them!
5) Keep up with clutter piles--This has been a problem lately. They've been popping up again! Working with Mean Mama to declutter! For the month of May, throw away 7 items every day. She's already ahead of me! I'll post pics once a week of all my piles!
6) Lose weight--Always a work in progress, but has been much more successful lately! Goals and reality are lining up!
7) Start a real exercise regimen--Walking at the park 3 days a week, adding in the exercise machines that are there. Need to try some Wii Zumba before I attempt to join the class at the park!
8) Get pregnant--Did a fertility cleanse in Jan...but no baby yet. Menstrual cycle much more normal now!
9) Look into adoption--Not done anything at this time.
10) Plan for moving in the summer to a different house (although likely still here in PR) --We shall find out soon what the landlord's plans are. Papa is thinking they are going to want to sell. I think they want the rent money to pay the mortgage...at least I'm hopeful they are paying the mortgage! Once we know their plans, we'll know what direction to take. I've got mixed feelings on moving or not. (Still waiting to hear. They were here in April, so we thought we'd see them, but they didn't ever stop by, even though they were staying just down the street.)
11) Whatever else comes to mind! -- Menu planning...falling behind on this and it is making meals much more haphazard and sometimes less healthy. May is underway for healthier planned meals.
We are car shopping for Papa Loco. Something used, cheap, but functional. This is proving more stressful than I first imagined!
Monday, April 29, 2013
Finding the right words
I know I've mentioned in the past about our convoluted open adoptions. I'm very frustrated with the whole lot!
La Loquita and Goofy Girl's bio mom had an open adoption agreement, but has chosen not to contact us minus one voice mail, since the day she signed in 2009. I've checked in on Facebook every once in awhile to see if there are any changes, but there isn't usually much on there public.
My main 'beef' is with the bio mom of Smarty Pants, Sweet Thing, and Drama Mama. Our relationship with her has always been tumultuous. A brief recap: Kids came into care Jan 2006, due to a case of kids being left in a motel alone. Two weeks later, bio mom shows up to DCS and at the end of the month, attended an initial court hearing. A visit was scheduled, but she did not attend, and from then until April, no one heard from her. She did half a parenting assessment, announced she was pregnant, and then disappeared again....until Sept 2007...when #5 (Chunky Monkey) was removed from her care. Child #4 (Macho Man) had been born a year prior and had been left in Mexico w/ his paternal grandparents (until he was 3 yrs old). Even then, she did not try to get back into their case until Dec of that year. In the end, she signed consents in order to help (in her eyes) get Chunky Monkey back, which she did. We agreed to two 2 hr visits a year minimum, with the possibility of more, depending on how it all went.
By the time we had our first visit with her and the last time the kids had seen her, it had been over 4 years. We did a handful of visits over the next few years before we moved to Puerto Rico, all well over 6 hrs, but no more than 2-3 per year. The kids were really not comfortable with more at that point, so we didn't push it.
As per our agreement, if we were to move more than 30 miles outside of our previous city, we could consider phone calls a 'visit'. We have offered phone calls, Skype, or for her to come to PR. None of that has happened. Email contact with her has been sporadic at best. She emailed on Sweet Thing's birthday, but we got nothing last week for Drama Mama's birthday. Not a peep.
When she did email, she was full of hate and spite and anger toward us...accusing us of keeping the kids from her, not ever emailing or calling her, etc. All not true!
Admittedly, we have made the choice to not chase her down anymore. She knows our info, how to call, where we live (in general), how to reach us. She's chosen not to do so.
Papa and I are working on an email to her...one that we let her know that not happy that she does this hit or miss when it comes to contacting the kids on their birthdays, etc., we are just looking for the right words.
It is hard to have any kind of relationship with her as adult. The kids have said they don't want to see her, but are willing to if it means they can see their half siblings. That is part of her problem...she doesn't have the other 3, they are again in Mexico with their paternal grandparents. Quite honestly, probably the best place they can be if they aren't with us. She knows that having the siblings at the visits is a requirement, and knows that the kids don't really want to see her (as their mommy), so she's just going to be difficult, in which she can't blame us in the future.
Again..what are the right words to say to her....
La Loquita and Goofy Girl's bio mom had an open adoption agreement, but has chosen not to contact us minus one voice mail, since the day she signed in 2009. I've checked in on Facebook every once in awhile to see if there are any changes, but there isn't usually much on there public.
My main 'beef' is with the bio mom of Smarty Pants, Sweet Thing, and Drama Mama. Our relationship with her has always been tumultuous. A brief recap: Kids came into care Jan 2006, due to a case of kids being left in a motel alone. Two weeks later, bio mom shows up to DCS and at the end of the month, attended an initial court hearing. A visit was scheduled, but she did not attend, and from then until April, no one heard from her. She did half a parenting assessment, announced she was pregnant, and then disappeared again....until Sept 2007...when #5 (Chunky Monkey) was removed from her care. Child #4 (Macho Man) had been born a year prior and had been left in Mexico w/ his paternal grandparents (until he was 3 yrs old). Even then, she did not try to get back into their case until Dec of that year. In the end, she signed consents in order to help (in her eyes) get Chunky Monkey back, which she did. We agreed to two 2 hr visits a year minimum, with the possibility of more, depending on how it all went.
By the time we had our first visit with her and the last time the kids had seen her, it had been over 4 years. We did a handful of visits over the next few years before we moved to Puerto Rico, all well over 6 hrs, but no more than 2-3 per year. The kids were really not comfortable with more at that point, so we didn't push it.
As per our agreement, if we were to move more than 30 miles outside of our previous city, we could consider phone calls a 'visit'. We have offered phone calls, Skype, or for her to come to PR. None of that has happened. Email contact with her has been sporadic at best. She emailed on Sweet Thing's birthday, but we got nothing last week for Drama Mama's birthday. Not a peep.
When she did email, she was full of hate and spite and anger toward us...accusing us of keeping the kids from her, not ever emailing or calling her, etc. All not true!
Admittedly, we have made the choice to not chase her down anymore. She knows our info, how to call, where we live (in general), how to reach us. She's chosen not to do so.
Papa and I are working on an email to her...one that we let her know that not happy that she does this hit or miss when it comes to contacting the kids on their birthdays, etc., we are just looking for the right words.
It is hard to have any kind of relationship with her as adult. The kids have said they don't want to see her, but are willing to if it means they can see their half siblings. That is part of her problem...she doesn't have the other 3, they are again in Mexico with their paternal grandparents. Quite honestly, probably the best place they can be if they aren't with us. She knows that having the siblings at the visits is a requirement, and knows that the kids don't really want to see her (as their mommy), so she's just going to be difficult, in which she can't blame us in the future.
Again..what are the right words to say to her....
Friday, April 26, 2013
Talk Conmigo
Check out my latest post at Talk Conmigo: Practicar, practicar as I discuss some of our attempts to become a fully bilingual family.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Happy Birthday Drama Mama!!
I cannot believe another year has flown by and you are 10!! I have 3 kids in the double digits now!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Rain, Rain, Go Away
Well it has been day after day after day with rain!
This means my laundry pile has backed up again b/c nothing dries!! Even though the line is under the roof, it still blows in some...and it's just too damp to dry!
At least the interior of the house is clean! For now anyway...never stays that way long!
This means my laundry pile has backed up again b/c nothing dries!! Even though the line is under the roof, it still blows in some...and it's just too damp to dry!
At least the interior of the house is clean! For now anyway...never stays that way long!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Boston
Our thoughts and prayers are lifted up for those in Boston and the families affected by today's senseless events.
I'd seen a few things popping up on Facebook today, but couldn't get anything to show up on my phone, so I turned on the tv for a few minutes. It didn't take long to see the bloody pictures.
We did talk about what happened with the older 3, as they were in the room at the time. I wish I could shelter them from all the cruelty in the world. Too bad they see it even here at home.
On Saturday, our neighbors were robbed, right in the middle of the afternoon. A young/teen boy apparently walked up to their garage gate and opened it, walking on in. He had a knife. He was fast, ripped off the man's gold necklace and then took off. Drama Mama was outside when it was happening. Now we make sure that the gates are locked all the time, where as before, they were most of the time, but not always.
It's scary how quickly something tragic can happen.
I try to remember that God is in control...the evilness of man cause these events to happen, but God can use it for His glory.
I'd seen a few things popping up on Facebook today, but couldn't get anything to show up on my phone, so I turned on the tv for a few minutes. It didn't take long to see the bloody pictures.
We did talk about what happened with the older 3, as they were in the room at the time. I wish I could shelter them from all the cruelty in the world. Too bad they see it even here at home.
On Saturday, our neighbors were robbed, right in the middle of the afternoon. A young/teen boy apparently walked up to their garage gate and opened it, walking on in. He had a knife. He was fast, ripped off the man's gold necklace and then took off. Drama Mama was outside when it was happening. Now we make sure that the gates are locked all the time, where as before, they were most of the time, but not always.
It's scary how quickly something tragic can happen.
I try to remember that God is in control...the evilness of man cause these events to happen, but God can use it for His glory.
Friday, April 12, 2013
A forever home needed for 4 boys!
** Updated**
I've heard from a friend who had a friend call about them. They've all been placed, but not all together. I'm happy there were enough people to step up for them, but extremely sad they were not kept together (for whatever reason).
*********
This came from a friend tonight, so I'm passing it along.
As much as I wish with everything in me that we could inquire, it's just not possible. I pray they are able to find a home for these 4 brothers. I can only imagine how hard it must be on them to be separated from each other. It makes me sad that they could possibly be split up!
URGENT NEED!
We have an urgent need for a family to adopt 4 boys who were relinquished by their birth parents yesterday in Richmond, TX. The adoption would be done through Family to Family (http://fam2fam.org/), which is the agency where the children were dropped off. The boys are biological hispanic brothers, ages 8 months old, 3 years old, 4 years old, and 9 years old. The parental rights have been terminated, so they are ready for adoption. Family to Family would only charge 1 agency fee rather than 4.
They prefer to keep the boys in Texas, and prefer to keep them together. However, they are willing to split them up if needed. What they need most is a loving family. A family who has their home study ready, or close to ready is preferred so that they can move forward with the adoption quickly.
The boys are currently split up into various short-term housing situations. The 9-year-old is currently in a foster home in Sugar Land. The 3-year-old is currently with a case worker from Family to Family, and the 8-month-old and 4-year-old are currently with a family member of a case worker from Family to Family. Again, all of these are short-term arrangements, and we need to get these boys into an adoptive family as soon as possible!
The 8 month old is said to be a typical 8 month old. The 9 year old is said to be very smart (an "A" and "B" student) and sweet. The 3 and 4 year olds both show signs of neglect (will gobble down food fast as if they don't know when the next meal will come), and will need some extra time and care to build trust.
If you are interested in adopting these boys (all or some of them), please contact Jennifer or Debbie at Family to Family (281-342-4042).
I've heard from a friend who had a friend call about them. They've all been placed, but not all together. I'm happy there were enough people to step up for them, but extremely sad they were not kept together (for whatever reason).
*********
This came from a friend tonight, so I'm passing it along.
As much as I wish with everything in me that we could inquire, it's just not possible. I pray they are able to find a home for these 4 brothers. I can only imagine how hard it must be on them to be separated from each other. It makes me sad that they could possibly be split up!
URGENT NEED!
We have an urgent need for a family to adopt 4 boys who were relinquished by their birth parents yesterday in Richmond, TX. The adoption would be done through Family to Family (http://fam2fam.org/), which is the agency where the children were dropped off. The boys are biological hispanic brothers, ages 8 months old, 3 years old, 4 years old, and 9 years old. The parental rights have been terminated, so they are ready for adoption. Family to Family would only charge 1 agency fee rather than 4.
They prefer to keep the boys in Texas, and prefer to keep them together. However, they are willing to split them up if needed. What they need most is a loving family. A family who has their home study ready, or close to ready is preferred so that they can move forward with the adoption quickly.
The boys are currently split up into various short-term housing situations. The 9-year-old is currently in a foster home in Sugar Land. The 3-year-old is currently with a case worker from Family to Family, and the 8-month-old and 4-year-old are currently with a family member of a case worker from Family to Family. Again, all of these are short-term arrangements, and we need to get these boys into an adoptive family as soon as possible!
The 8 month old is said to be a typical 8 month old. The 9 year old is said to be very smart (an "A" and "B" student) and sweet. The 3 and 4 year olds both show signs of neglect (will gobble down food fast as if they don't know when the next meal will come), and will need some extra time and care to build trust.
If you are interested in adopting these boys (all or some of them), please contact Jennifer or Debbie at Family to Family (281-342-4042).
Bombarded
I'm not sure what I've liked or searched for recently, but my Facebook account is getting bombarded with baby product ads.
It normally doesn't bother me...but this week...it does.
I was discussing with a friend how hard it is to want to expand our families, w/o it costing a fortune and getting approval from everyone and their brother.
So many people do everything out of their way to NOT get pregnant. They act as if their 1 or 2 kids are such a hassle, why on earth would they want more?!
But we doooooo want more!
Really wishing this would be easier.
Sorry for the pity party!
La Mama
It normally doesn't bother me...but this week...it does.
I was discussing with a friend how hard it is to want to expand our families, w/o it costing a fortune and getting approval from everyone and their brother.
So many people do everything out of their way to NOT get pregnant. They act as if their 1 or 2 kids are such a hassle, why on earth would they want more?!
But we doooooo want more!
Really wishing this would be easier.
Sorry for the pity party!
La Mama
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Friendship
I've been meaning to get this post out, but one thing or another kept me from getting it done.
Our recent trip back 'home' was a great time, but it also served as a reminder of what we are missing here in Puerto Rico....great, close friends.
We have friends, but there is something different than those friendships we had back home. The kids especially are missing out on the relationships they had back home. We've been gone almost 2 years and the kids hadn't kept in touch, other than whatever we parents updated them on, yet they picked up like they'd just left off. There were no awkward moments, no lack of words, it was instant fun.
Even at my grandpa's 90th birthday party, there were some kids there that mine had never met before, yet they all got along and played like they'd known each other forever. My kids are very friendly....they don't know a stranger!
The kids didn't want to come back to PR. Well they missed their Papi, and abuelos, but as far as everything else, they could have walked away. They were sad to leave their friends behind once again. After a lengthy discussion, we decided that we needed to be more intentional about reaching out here and work on making friends a family goal.
We had the opportunity not long after to join some kids and mom's for a movie date. My kids knew a few of the others that were there already, but you'd have never known it. The other kids would not even acknowledge them! They all tried to interact with them as we gathered together in the lobby, waiting on others to arrive, but they were given the cold shoulder.
I've talked to another PR transplant, who moved here not long after us, about how her kids are doing. She said they have some superficial friendships, but nothing like what they left in the states.
Papa Loco says that is nothing unusual. People tend to be rather clique-ish.
At first I thought it was a language barrier, but the movie scenario, all the kids spoke fluent English, so that wasn't it. We aren't in a homeschool group anymore (nor do the kids want to go back to the one we were in), they don't go to public school, they aren't on any athletic teams, so they are limited. We do let them go to youth groups (girls on Wed nights, SP on Fri nights), so that helps. I just hope they are able to feel connected. The girls have S, next door, who they hang out with, so it is mostly Smarty Pants who I worry about the most.
One family that we do stuff with will be on summer break in June/July, so hopefully we can do something more with them.
We have not given up hope yet though. I know there has to be something more for us!
Friday, April 5, 2013
Instant Mom Review!
Some families are created in
different ways but are still, in every way, a family.
Author photo credit: Óttar Guðnason.
Writer and star of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Nia Vardalos firmly believed
she was supposed to be a mom, but Mother Nature and modern medicine had put her
in a headlock. So she made a choice that shocked friends, family, and even
herself: with only fourteen hours’ notice, she adopted a preschooler.
Instant Mom is Vardalos’s hilarious and
poignant true chronicle of trying to become a mother while fielding nosy
“frenemies” and Hollywood reporters asking, “Any baby news?” With her signature
wit and candor, she describes her and husband Ian Gomez’s bumpy road to
parenting, how they found their daughter, and what happened next. Vardalos
includes a comprehensive how-to-adopt section and explores innovative ways to
conquer the challenges all new moms face, from sleep to personal grooming. She
learns that whether via biology, relationship, or adoption—motherhood comes in
many forms.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've been dying to get time to sit down and finish my review for this book! It was a great book!
I got my copy on a Tuesday afternoon and spent too much of the day and night reading it! I couldn't put it down!
It was easy to read and relate to! Her struggles with infertility while different from mine, still resonated within my heart! I have not suffered the miscarriages and the failed IVF treatments and cannot even imagine that heartbreak! The joys of becoming a mom though, that love that fills you, we have in common!
As Nia and Ian travel the road to adoption, in the midst of their homestudy visits...oh I remember that nervousness. Papa and I can be the type to joke when in an uncomfortable situation, so that tendency to say the most stupid things at the wrong time are something we have in common! You want to sound like you've got it all together while your life is under a microscope! We were honest, but at that point, we'd only been married for about 11 months. I think the homestudy worker thought we'd never make it through the process and were totally naive to the journey we were about to embark on, which we were!
I have to say that I admire very much Nia and Ian's choice to adopt from foster care. It is definitely not a choice that most celebrities have chosen. They had a few opportunities come about, some of which they recognized as 'sketchy' and chose not to pursue them. They went the route of adopting a child who was already legally free (parental rights had already been terminated). They were matched with a toddler girl and after accepting her match, started off on a roller coaster journey.
I've read a few reviews already that say that Nia doesn't address the trauma and loss that adopted children go through, but I find that not to be the case at all. There were plenty of attachment and behavior issues that she discusses in the book. She goes into enough detail without totally violating the privacy of her daughter....who will one day grow up and read this book I'm sure!
Some of the naysayers have made comments that Nia presents adoption as all sunshine and roses. I have a few thoughts on that.
Compared to many adoptions, we've been blessed. Our kids don't have issues. They came into foster care b/c of neglect and abandonment. While I have no doubt that their bio parents lacked all kinds of parenting skills, at least with the older 3, someone was around enough to take care of them and meet their needs. Even w/ GG's behavioral problems, they are tied to prenatal exposure, and not all related to adoption. I know they don't fit the normal situation. For all accounts and purposes, they "should" have some lingering issues.
I'm not going to deny that there aren't some real challenges when adopting...but I won't pigeonhole that to adopting from foster care. I think any type of adoption can bring about a host of issues...international, private infant, foster adoption, step parent adoption, kinship/family adoption.
I'm also going to state that not all kids will fit in easily to family life. Those children raised in orphanages, raised in group homes, raised in bad foster homes (yes, there are some of those out there), raised in abusive and neglectful homes, can have a hard time adjusting to a mom, dad, possible siblings, etc.
I'll also not deny that the 'system' is very broken and those who need extra mental health care may find those resources hard to find. Not everyone has Nia/Ian's income, connections, resources. I think this is a problem with mental health care for everyone though, not just kids from adoption!
I know those who are parenting very traumatized kids will probably disagree with me. To quote
It is all perspective.
When I worked in a residential for teenagers I believed all teenagers were evil.
When I worked at the shelter I believed all men battered.
When I worked at the law firm I believed all couples got divorced
Because that is what I was surrounded by.
If you have traumatized kids and all your friends have traumatized kids then all you know is that foster care damages kids.I know that my perspective is more cautiously optimistic because that's what I know!
I encourage all families looking into adoption to do their research! Read books, attend seminars, talk to other adoptive families (lots and lots). Join forums or facebook groups. Be prepared that things are not always rosy. Be prepared that bonding may or may not happen instantly. Be prepared that no matter which path you choose, there will be challenges..either with paperwork, red tape, adults, each case will be different!
Mean Mama also shared wise words regarding this: "She {Nia} should not be the sole source of adoption preparation." I totally agree!
Read the book! Be encouraged! Laugh and cry as Nia opens her self up to talk about their challenges and loss, but the happiness that has come with being a mom.
I wish more people would be open to adoption in general!
It is sad to me that more people believe the myth 'Kids adopted from foster care will one day kill you in your sleep.' than they will believe a child adopted from foster care can turn out to be a loving, successful, well adjusted adult!
There are approximately 143 MILLION orphans worldwide. Those children long to be loved. Long to have a place to call home. Adoption may not be all sunshine and roses, but it can fill your heart with such amazing joy you've never known!
The book Instant Mom was released April 2, 2013 and can be purchased here!
BARNES & NOBLE: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/instant-mom-nia-vardalos/1113852091?ean=9780062231833
BOOKS-A-MILLION: http://www.booksamillion.com/product/9780062231833?id=4741085284207
INDIEBOUND: http://www.indiebound.org/book/9780062231833
I did receive a free copy of the book Instant Mom in exchange for a review. This is all 100% my opinion about the book and adoption in general!
Organize and Persevere April
1) Teach La Loquita and Goofy Girl to read-- I can say Loquita is doing really well. She's able to pick up a simple reader and figure out new words. Goofy...still struggling. If she knows the words, she's good. But as soon as she comes to a new word, she freaks out. I'm not giving up hope!
2) Keep laundry under control (includes putting away clean clothes)-Miracles are still occurring. I have 3-4 loads that need washed, but that is under control for us! Putting away has been getting better, but still not perfect.
3) Keep school areas clean and organized--Well, after today's cleaning spree, it will be back to 100% It was starting to get cluttery, so we started an overhaul this morning!
4) Follow the lesson plans and activities that go along with our new curriculum--We are finishing up week 8. I missed it when we were gone on our trip!
5) Keep up with clutter piles--Better than normal. Landlady flying into PR next week, so we expect them to stop by for a visit. Trying to have the whole house organized (even though I know she is/was not a good housekeeper ever!)
6) Lose weight--Still a work in progress. Started walking at the park again, that is a good development. :D
7) Start a real exercise regimen--Still need to work on that. Might join a Zumba-cize class that meets at the park.
8) Get pregnant--Did a fertility cleanse in Jan...but no baby yet.
9) Look into adoption--Not done anything at this time.
10) Plan for moving in the summer to a different house (although likely still here in PR) --We shall find out soon what the landlord's plans are. Papa is thinking they are going to want to sell. I think they want the rent money to pay the mortgage...at least I'm hopeful they are paying the mortgage! Once we know their plans, we'll know what direction to take. I've got mixed feelings on moving or not.
11) Whatever else comes to mind! -- Menu planning...have got to get back into the groove...we came back from our trip and started the piecing together again! I have plans for the weekend...grocery store shopping!
My daily schedule has changed a lot recently! Right before we went our trip up north, the in laws hired a new lady to come help! She's been a true miracle! She stays through the evening shift, so I no longer having to go over ever evening! She even comes on Sundays! So Papa goes on Friday mornings and I got on Sat evenings. It is a nice break, one which makes it easier to think of moving a little further from in-laws house.
2) Keep laundry under control (includes putting away clean clothes)-Miracles are still occurring. I have 3-4 loads that need washed, but that is under control for us! Putting away has been getting better, but still not perfect.
3) Keep school areas clean and organized--Well, after today's cleaning spree, it will be back to 100% It was starting to get cluttery, so we started an overhaul this morning!
4) Follow the lesson plans and activities that go along with our new curriculum--We are finishing up week 8. I missed it when we were gone on our trip!
5) Keep up with clutter piles--Better than normal. Landlady flying into PR next week, so we expect them to stop by for a visit. Trying to have the whole house organized (even though I know she is/was not a good housekeeper ever!)
6) Lose weight--Still a work in progress. Started walking at the park again, that is a good development. :D
7) Start a real exercise regimen--Still need to work on that. Might join a Zumba-cize class that meets at the park.
8) Get pregnant--Did a fertility cleanse in Jan...but no baby yet.
9) Look into adoption--Not done anything at this time.
10) Plan for moving in the summer to a different house (although likely still here in PR) --We shall find out soon what the landlord's plans are. Papa is thinking they are going to want to sell. I think they want the rent money to pay the mortgage...at least I'm hopeful they are paying the mortgage! Once we know their plans, we'll know what direction to take. I've got mixed feelings on moving or not.
11) Whatever else comes to mind! -- Menu planning...have got to get back into the groove...we came back from our trip and started the piecing together again! I have plans for the weekend...grocery store shopping!
My daily schedule has changed a lot recently! Right before we went our trip up north, the in laws hired a new lady to come help! She's been a true miracle! She stays through the evening shift, so I no longer having to go over ever evening! She even comes on Sundays! So Papa goes on Friday mornings and I got on Sat evenings. It is a nice break, one which makes it easier to think of moving a little further from in-laws house.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
